


this is home (you are that home)

by redmjn



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Aromantic, Aromantic Character, Based on a Cavetown Song, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Everyone loves Renjun, Gender Dysphoria, M/M, Panic Attacks, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Relationships, Trans Male Character, hes sensitive ok, renjun is trans!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-05
Updated: 2019-03-05
Packaged: 2019-11-12 05:04:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18004331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redmjn/pseuds/redmjn
Summary: late night dancing and crying in a practice room couldn't have ended better.





	this is home (you are that home)

**Author's Note:**

> dont bash :((, its really late and im feeling angst creep up on me

his legs move fluidly along with the upbeat tune of some Chase Atlantic song in the background, arms moving delicately in the air conditioned practice room. he often found himself in this position when his mind wouldn't leave him alone, when no one was near to reassure him that he is, in fact very much, valid. dancing was and is, always will be, renjun's escape. he never felt happier when he was in the small room he's in now, music playing rather softly at this time of night but still managing to reach his ears perfectly. maybe he's a little bit happier in their practice room when he has some company; renjun's not one to take a liking to being alone. 

the once harsh beat of notes quickly transformed into a slow, melodious river of what felt like spring. words that sounded like hums rather than words echoed in the room occupied by one. renjun felt like he was in a movie: the climax, action filled and loud noises with languid movements changed into something less exciting. however, more enchanting. it's the downfall, you know the part where everything starts to calm and quietly ends. that's what he feels like. and suddenly, renjun collides with the smooth floor. credits rolling, different names being read with different letters and different pronunciation; somehow no one can ever say his name right, even when it's right in front of them. 

loud sobs echo with the quiet tune of Cavetown, he's not sure what song and renjun doesn't care quite frankly. he's more focused on the ringing of his phone from his backpack on the other side of the room, renjun debates on answering. should he risk worrying whoever was calling him by not answering or worry whoever was calling him with his shitty lying ability?

he sniffled quietly before picking up the phone on the fourth ring, trying to read the ID name through blurry vision. "h-hello?"

renjun, while still laying on the floor crying, heard a bunch of shushing on the other line as he hiccuped once. twice. "renjun? are you... okay?" 

no matter how hard he tried to answer all that came out was broken stutters of his mother tongue before he completely broke down. "i-i'm.. i can't-"

"it's okay, just follow my breathing, alright? i'll be there soon." the person on the phone with renjun, who he could clearly recognize as mark, counted his breaths as he stayed on the line. by the time renjun calmed his breathing pattern down, mark was hanging up and opening the practice room door with five following bodies. the boys he loved as much as he could, all the love his heart could give (even if not romantic) went to his six friends whom where currently crowding around him in a cuddle pile. sweet comments flew through renjun's ears and took shelter in his mind, even if they wouldn't stay forever renjun knew that he could always come back to them for help.

"injun, did you know you're so handsome? you can dance so well and i love your dumb smile, you know."

"jaemin, don't insult him!" chenle smacked the back of said boy's head while renjun snorted, holding mark's hand tighter and getting crushed between jisung and donghyuck. this was his life now.

jaemin, however, wasn't giving up. "i didn't! if i say his smile is dumb while also saying i like it, the insult is cancelled out." chenle furrows his eyebrows and crosses his arms, his tongue poked the inside of his cheek as he awaited for the rest of jaemin's poor explanation. "it's like... like pemdas."

getting distracted by watching the two's quarrelsome argument in silence, mark taps on renjun's shoulder. when renjun's head turned fully towards the older man, he felt like crying again. his older friend's eyes were full of noticeable concern, worry maybe. "y-you know we love you right? and it's... it's okay? that you can't be romantic towards others? don't feel bad about that, this is you and no one can change that. you- renjun, we never think badly about you. you're our lovely, handsome, boy-friend. i- we- don't think you're some feminine trender, you're a bo-"

renjun couldn't hold back his tears any longer. he knew mark wasn't the best with words, usually everyone left all the talking up to jeno, and that's probably why he was intensely ugly crying right now. he's never felt more valid, more protected in his entire life than he does right now. these six boys never failed to make him feel loved even at his worst moments, he loved them for that. always will. "mark, oh my god, shut up."

"what!? i was trying to make him feel better..."

"th-these are happy tears! i'm, i'm happy that- that you guys are here." renjun wiped his tears lazily as more fell. "j-just gimme hugs..."

and the day ended with six boys crushing renjun in a bear-grip snuggle pile.

**Author's Note:**

> hh this sucks yall


End file.
